At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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