yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
