Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
