remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize