dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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