Already got asked if we're dating
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
