Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
