There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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