Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
