Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
