he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Houston, we have a blender
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
