some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
