Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
