Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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