dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
