My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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