You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
