with your own penis?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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