I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
After last night, I could never be a politician.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize