My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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