I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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