Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize