I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
