Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
