i just made my gag reflex go away.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize