If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
