the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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