I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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