just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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