But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
