Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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