It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
