wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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