you're like a bully in the Christmas story
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
