I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
