i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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