What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize