So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
