So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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