i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize