so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He shit in the fireplace
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
