In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
