I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize