My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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