Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
