I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
