he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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