Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
