these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
