the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
