remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
