Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
