He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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