sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
