An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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