Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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