he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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