You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize