Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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