I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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