Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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