Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The struggles of a small town man whore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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