I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
