My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
