I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
