the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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