I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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