dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
