i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
