I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
