If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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