Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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