do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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