so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
