How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
