dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
