I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
