I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
