so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
