Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
