in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
