pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
