If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
