you turned your livingroom into a bong?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
