Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
