okay pat passed out under dana's car
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
