Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
