Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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