she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
