I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize