I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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