The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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