I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
