Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
