Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize