worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
