wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
