Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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