guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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