She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
