i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
