Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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