Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
