You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
